There is a controversy brewing in the world of sandwiches. Dale Earnhardt Jr. tweeted this week that banana and mayonnaise on bread is one of his favorite snacks, and although the majority of the Internet—let’s call them “sane humans”—correctly recoiled at this in disgust, a shockingly high number of people claimed they also loved the unholy combination. We polled our readers and out of nearly 35,000 votes, an unbelievable 9% actually described them as “delicious.”
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Not only that, our research showed that banana and mayonnaise isn’t even even the weirdest merger in the sandwich universe. Pickle and peanut butter, mayonnaise and pineapple—the list of weird gross things people will stick between two slices of bread is apparently as long as it is disturbing.
I pride myself on the fact I can and will eat pretty much anything that’s put in front of me. So I bravely volunteered to try some of these atrocities. Do not try this at home. (No, seriously don’t, they were all disgusting.)
Update: Dale Earnhardt Jr. has now started a fund raising money for hungry children. You to contribute at DaleJRSandwich.com.
Banana and Mayonnaise
Origin: To my surprise, it wasn't invented by Dale Earnhart Jr. It turns out the banana and mayonnaise sandwich is a “southern delicacy” with a storied history. In 2014, Nationals bullpen coach Matthew LeCroy even credited it with the team’s 10-game winning streak.
Preparation: One whole sliced banana, sandwiched between two slices of white wheat bread and a healthy coating of mayo.
How does it taste: Absolutely terrible. Texture-wise it’s a slimy, gooey mess, and there are no complementary flavors. You bite into it and all you get is a strong hit of salty mayo followed by the faint echo of banana practically an eternity later. You’d think the sweet banana would be some relief from the bitter mayo, but instead it’s just reminder that other, better foods exist, and that you could be eating those instead of this garbage.
Would I eat it again: Not if you paid me. I would have happily licked a subway seat if it meant getting the taste out of my mouth.
Rating: Out of 10? Negative 100.
Peanut Butter and Pickle
Origin: Before banana and mayo was the gross sandwich du jour, the New York Times caused a stir in 2012 when they called the peanut butter and pickle sandwich, “one of those unlikely pairings that shouldn’t work, but does.”
Preparation: A generous coating of crunchy peanut butter on white or wheat bread with one large sliced pickle. In the name of fairness, I looked for a classic peanut butter like Jif, but the snobs at Whole Foods only stock that “fancy” stuff that doesn't have preservatives and which you have to stir with your finger before you eat it.
How does it taste: Not terrible, but I concede a large part of that is probably due to the the fact anything tastes good after you’ve eaten banana and mayonnaise. The best part of it is probably the pickle, which gives it a nice crunch, but the flavors don’t exactly work together. They just don’t make you gag.
Would I eat it again: I mean, I didn’t vomit, but I cannot fathom a situation where I’d ever want to eat this again. Even if I was stuck on a desert island and all I had was bread, peanut butter and pickle, I’d still be fine eating a peanut butter sandwich followed by the pickle later.
Rating: 2/10
Peanut Butter and Cheddar Cheese
Origin: GQ News and Culture Editor Chris Gayomali says he used to have this as a kid [Ed's. Note: Secretly!], and ex-Deadspin writer Jack Dickey once declared it the best peanut butter sandwich combo there is.
Preparation: I went for crunchy peanut butter again (don’t get us started on smooth peanut butter, a.k.a the banana and mayo of the peanut butter family) and a sharp cheddar. I grated the cheese to maximize on surface area, and also because that was the cheapest kind Whole Foods sells.
How does it taste: Why? Just why would anyone eat this? Peanut butter is fine, and cheese is fine, but what maniac ever thought it was good idea to combine them into a sandwich? There is nothing here. No texture, no flavor, just a random combination of two perfectly fine foods I now like a little less.
Would I eat it again: God no.
Rating: 1/10
Peanut Butter and Mayonnaise
Origin: Another southern classic. Peanut butter, mayonnaise, and banana sandwiches were reportedly one of Elvis’ favorites.
Preparation: Most of the recipes I could find call for peanut butter on one slice of bread and mayonnaise on the other, but because I was starting to feel nauseous from all the gross stuff I’d already eaten, I decided to go for peanut butter on both sides and a lighter layer of mayo in the middle.
How does it taste: Like a globule of gunky, salty sadness.
Would I eat it again: I don’t think I’m ever going to be in the same room as a jar of mayonnaise after this.
Rating: 0/10
Pineapple and Mayonnaise
Origin: Most people know this as a “salad”, but you can reportedly put it in between two pieces of bread too.
Preparation: I went with pre-sliced pineapple since that was all that was available. But I can understand how someone might prefer fresh pineapple that they sliced themselves.
How does it taste: Like mayonnaise. The pineapple is there too, but it's overwhelmed by the briny mayo, and that's the only thing you can taste. In fact, that's all you'll taste for the next couple of hours.
Would I eat it again: No one should have to live through that a second time.
Rating: 💀